A Gift from Me to You...to Future You!
It's my birthday, but this year I want to give YOU a gift!
It’s my birthday this week, but what I really want is to offer a gift to YOU—the people who encourage my dreams and support me by reading my work and sharing it with others!
As I thought about what I’ll be wishing for this year when I blow out the candles on my cake, my eye was drawn to a fortune I have pinned up on my bulletin board:
“We make a living by what we get,
but we make a life by what we give.”
Of course, we walk a fine line in the balancing act of giving and receiving. Far too often, we’re taught that our self-worth depends on how much we dedicate to helping others—at work, at home, and with all the people and causes we care about. It’s exhausting! And it’s the reason why women (myself included) are more likely than men to pursue caregiving professions with some of the lowest average salaries.
At the same time, if we went through life taking more than we give, this imbalance would eventually leave our friends, family, and colleagues feeling drained and resentful.
In her book, the Awakened Woman, Dr.
shares the “sahwira” spirit from her Shona culture, encouraging westerners to not only rethink our relationship with giving and receiving, but more importantly, to understand why it’s essential to our interconnected wellbeing:“For the sahwira, giving and receiving takes all forms and should not be restricted to material things. It is important that you also remain a giver of your knowledge, wisdom, love and empathy, and that you receive gifts from others with grace and gratitude…My sahwiras, our wellness comes from knowing that we belong, that we are but pieces of a larger community, and therefore, the joy of others is our own, and so is their suffering. The heart of the sahwira is open to give and receive; it trusts in the knowledge of our connectedness…”
When you approach it from this mentality, it’s not about proving yourself as a valuable contributor in society, or stiving to maintain an equal balance of giving or receiving in a relationship; it’s about the importance of our mutual wellbeing that’s optimized through our interconnectedness. I’m able to give freely and without resentment when I know it adds to someone else’s wellbeing and/or the greater good more than it detracts from my own wellbeing. That’s why for my birthday, I want to give YOU a gift…
And no, it’s not just this precious photo of myself as a joyful, connected baby:
Let’s get to it! What’s the gift???
The holiday season may feel like a distant memory by now, but the stress that most of us carry with us into the new year can sit on our shoulders like a quiet but massive bundle of frayed nerves.
Between the picture-perfect social media posts, the ease of online purchases, and a seemingly endless supply of not-to-be-missed festive events, the pressure to create the most magical holiday memories seems to be at an all-time high. As I wrote about recently (“It’s the most wonderful time of the year?”), I've heard a resounding, universal theme that the holidays actually end up being the most STRESSFUL time of the year!
In fact, that mounting stress, in and of itself, is enough to bring frustration when we inevitably fall short of our hopes and expectations in this culture of "never enough." We pile on an endless list of holiday tasks on top of our already lengthy list of everyday responsibilities at work and home.
Yet we're told "it's the most wonderful time of the year!" so OF COURSE we feel like failures when we’re emotionally drained rather than filled with joy and gratitude. Even when we share openly with each other about how stressful it can be, the conversation usually ends with a shrug and "It is what it is; 'tis the season!" But really, does it need to be that way?!?
As a recovering perfectionist whose high expectations always kick into overdrive during the holiday season, I've found there actually IS another way. For the 2023 holiday season, I quietly tried out a new approach. Without telling my husband what I was doing, he commented mid-way through December that I seemed more at ease, and that our holiday season was panning out to be more fun than ever!
It wasn't stress-free, because [GASP] I'm also a work in progress and life happens! But I'd like to share the tools that I'm honing, and I can use your help to create a paradigm shift. Together we can reduce stress and cultivate more joy in the everyday.
I know, I know. With the holiday season behind you, the last thing you probably want to do is to reflect and revisit what went well and what stressed you out. But what if there was something you could do for yourself NOW that would bring you more peace and joy to the next season of giving? I'm offering a complimentary chance to do just that!
I’m super jazzed to introduce the Holiday Inventory: A Workbook to Minimize Stress & Maximize Joy, which you can complete on your own time from the comfort of your own home. As a bonus, participants will also have the option to join a series of reflective and supportive group coaching sessions.
Consider this a free gift from me to you…to future you! That’s right, I’m offering this at no cost whatsoever—honestly, no catch, and no gimmicks.
Interested in learning more? Please complete this initial interest form, and I'll be in touch with more details!
Please consider re-gifting by sharing this with anyone you think could benefit from a more peaceful approach to the holidays.
Before you know it, you (and everyone else you know) will find yourself asking "Where did the year go???" as 2025 sneaks up on you. Don’t let this year pass you by and you find yourself careening headfirst into the next holiday season, stressed out of your mind as you try to create the most epic, magical holiday memories possible. This is a chance to pump the breaks!
Here's a little secret: this Workbook isn't just about the holiday season; it's a shift in our entire approach to where we put our time and energy throughout the year.
Again, all you need to do to get started is submit this initial interest form.
Connect, Reflect, Grow:
5 Additional resources curated for you!
Read this book:
Finding the Mother Tree by Suzanne Simard
We have so much to learn from the biodiversity and symbiotic generosity of nature. When we share resources without hesitation, even with our competitors, we do so for the strength of the collective forest, knowing that even the strongest tree may someday benefit from the shared nutrients and shade from their generous neighbors. A beautiful reminder that when we face life’s challenges together, we’re stronger and more sustainable than when we rely solely on our sheer independence and determination.
(For my fellow Ted Lasso fans, you can imagine my glee when I noticed this was one of Coach Beard’s book selections!)Listen to this podcast:
What if aging were something to aspire to, not dread?Thanks to my friend, Lindsey, for sharing this one! Among many other takeaways, this episode inspired me to start calling my grey hairs my “silver strands”! I haven’t colored my hair in about 10 years, and now I’ve decided it’s about time we stop telling our children that they’re the “cause” of our stress and the resulting grey hairs of shame. Instead, I tell my daughter that each silver strand is a sign of more wisdom that I’m gaining as I age.
Here’s a makeup-free, filter-free photo I took today showing off my silver streak and wrinkles (aka joy lines)!
Read/revisit this classic poem:
Song of Myself by Walt Whitman
Scroll to virtually any stanza in this poem and you’ll see Walt was trying to tell us that when you stop trying to manage, tame, or restrain parts of yourself in order to be accepted, respected or loved, you realize you belong not despite your “flaws” but BECAUSE of them. We all contain multitudes and we’re all interconnected. I know he’d be a huge fan of this week’s book recommendation!Listen to this playlist that I made for my birthday to celebrate the aging process!
Shuffle it on Spotify or Apple Music!
One of my favorite songs on the playlist is Growing Older by JJ Heller:Every wrinkle tells the story of the places you have been
Countless ocean hours
Forming freckles on your face
Wildflowers
That will only bloom with age
Learning how to love who you are along the way
You're growing older and more beautiful each dayLet me know if you have a suggested tune for me to add!
One more podcast—and this one is a MUST listen!
The Unexpected Way Amanda Built Community - We Can Do Hard ThingsAFTER I wrote my post, I felt drawn to listen to this episode. I got chills when they started talking about growing more comfortable asking for and accepting help, expands your circle of connections and the joy in your life. Allowing ourselves to be seen when we’re struggling is like turning on a black light; suddenly we see a web made out of invisible ink that connects us to everyone else! It was always there but we didn’t know it until we were willing to shine that black light on OURSLELVES and expose our insecurities to the world.
This, my friends, is THE ENTIRE POINT OF MY SUBSTACK. This is me, shining a black light on my life so that I can connect to you, and you can feel encouraged to do the same in your life.
