You are not a broken toy
You might just need new batteries.
Anyone else forget to take those batteries out of the flameless window candles, and then you take them out of storage a year later and wonder why they don’t work anymore? This has happened to me on more than one occasion with electronics ranging from flameless candles to walkie-talkies. I’ve finally learned the hard way that the great news is most of the time they’re salvageable; they just require a good cleaning, and a fresh set of batteries.
In this way, we are no different than those electronics. We might think we’re broken and in need of fixing. We might think our flame has dulled with age and that’s just how it goes, but with a little internal work and a new source of energy, you can be “good as new.”
As you go into the new year, I encourage you to consider a new approach to those resolutions that make you feel like the person you are right now is inferior and broken. Life has handed you an exhausting set of circumstances, subconscious beliefs, and broken SYSTEMS. But you, my friend, are not broken or in need of fixing. You, like most of us, only need to give yourself the gift of examining what’s going on beneath the surface.
I’m finding that most of us don’t even think to check our own internal batteries. We have this unreasonable expectation that the same set of batteries that we had as kids are still going to serve all these years later. By the time you even start thinking about those batteries, you have to do more than replace them, and here’s why:
The traditional self-care practices like brunching, bubble baths and massages are the batteries. Don’t get me wrong—we deserve them and they surely give us energy! But they won’t light us up if we don’t first take the time to notice and clean out the battery acid that’s leaked inside.
If you’re like me, you might not know where to begin or even know what to look for. That’s where enlisting the partnership of trusted coach and/or a therapist can help.
I think it’s far time we stop talking about changing ourselves, and focus instead on evolving back into the person we are at our core.
I’d like to share an excerpt from one of my most recent “Letters from Love”: a weekly practice I’ve been trying out as part of a beautiful, healing community led by Liz Gilbert:
The Knight in (not-so-shiny) Armor:
Stop trying to push away the parts of yourself that fill you with shame.
Embrace them, lovingly, and tuck them in for a nap—
they’ve been waiting to rest and DAMN they’re cranky!
Stop trying to manage your big feels;
lead them with love.
Stop trying to control how you respond in the heat of the moment.
Trust yourself.
I even want you to stop trying so hard.
All that effort to “be better” and change yourself
has only been reinforcing this misnomer that you’re unlovable unless you fix yourself.
You don’t need to change because instead,
you’re evolving closer to who you REALLY are at your core:
The you before the world handed you layers of “protective” armor
(it’s SO much more comfortable to move around without that heavy, clanky junk!)
You know the whole “knight in shining armor” they tell little girls to go search for?
You ARE that knight in the (not-so-shiny) armor.
It’s time to take it off and see yourself for the lovable person
who’s been there for you all along, waiting to come out and play again.
You are love and I am you.
We are the knight but we are NOT the armor.
When you stop wielding the sword, and turn it upward like a torch,
the essence of who you are shines out from your core like a beautiful beacon of love.
As you prepare to head into the new year, what’s the armor that you can start shaking off? What are some practices that tend to light you up like you have a fresh set of batteries?
Instead of picking a New Year’s Resolution for 2024, consider joining me in the annual practice of selecting a guiding word that you can use as your beacon for the year. This word can help with all of your goal setting, decision-making, and the ways that you want to respond to yourself and others.
Your guiding word can aways be there for you, even when you’ve gone off course with your goals, when your goals inevitably evolve, and when you don’t show up for yourself or others in ways that you’re proud of. The guiding word is there to serve as a north star, not some stubborn expectation that will fill you with shame if (and when) you inevitably fail to live up to your perfectionist ideals.
Reach out to me if you’d like to learn more about tools you can use to select your own Guiding Word of the Year!
Signing off for the remainder of the year to recharge my own internal batteries and to fully engage in the magic of the season with my family. I hope you’re able to find ways to do the same through the power of your own pause.
Next Steps:
2 podcasts I recommend if you’d like to learn more about continuing your personal evolution and healing process:
Why Do I Love the Way That I Love: The 4 Attachment Styles Explained I The Mel Robbins Podcast
Re-wiring our subconscious to heal our attachment wounds: an approach of healing rather than fixing!It's OK That You're Not Ok with Megan Devine: Real Self-Care with Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Prioritizing your own self-care should not add to your already full to-do list. In fact, despite what the wellness industry tells us, anything that requires you to spend a lot of time or money on self-care is a band-aid for burnout. Instead, let’s reevaluate and disrupt the oppressive systems—the real reasons we’re so burned out and self-critical in the first place.
